Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
worst night to have a conscience
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
