Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize