my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
