So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
