***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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