I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
