Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
