So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
