we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
