It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
