it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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