my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
