wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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