honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
