Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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