his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
