My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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