No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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