So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
