I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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