Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize