Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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