i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
