Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize