I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
