Already got asked if we're dating
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
