Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
