I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
