you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
