we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
