hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
where are my eyebrows?
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