Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
