used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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