I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
