Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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