He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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