If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
