white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
