Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize