This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Are we still banned from the library?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
