Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
