fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
where does the pee come out of this thing
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize