if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
