I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
God, I missed his penis.
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