Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
