i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
