About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
