Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize