wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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