$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
