So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
