just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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