hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
