I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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