We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They have beer where we have blood.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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