i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
