When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize