I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
