So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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