I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
