if only i could text you this smell
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
