I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
