Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
