I wish life had little blips of pornography
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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