I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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