Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
