I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
