I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize