I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
