Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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