Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
