I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
