It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
