so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
