First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
